“This is just a beginning”

When the results of the 2020 election came out on Saturday, Michelle Obama’s message was clear. In her usual wise and compassionate way, she said via social media:

“After we celebrate – and we should all take a moment to exhale after everything we’ve been through – let’s remember that this is just a beginning. It’s a first step.”

For me, this message would have been less powerful, and I would go as far as to say less accurate, if she had said “This is just the beginning.” The use of the word ‘the’ might signal a false sense of having ‘arrived’. While this might have temporarily increased our confidence (and reduced a significant build-up of anxiety!) it would ultimately have promoted a false sense of security. The subtle difference between the determiners ‘a’ and ‘the’ makes a lot of difference when it comes to our seemingly endless struggle to accept that the ground shifts beneath us constantly.

As I have mentioned in past blogs, my work as a coach and consultant is centered around the work of organizational consultant William Bridges. In his landmark book ‘Transitions’, he reframes our long-held simplistic notion that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. I use the word ‘reframe’ because he is in fact a huge proponent of this tri-structure. However, he does not believe that they happen in that order, or that they are even sequential. In fact, he stresses that they often happen simultaneously, they always overlap, they repeat, and loop, and cycle and… well, you get the idea. Only the last 18 pages of his 185-page book are dedicated to ‘new beginnings’. “We forget how indirect and unimpressive new beginnings are”, he says.  The other 157 pages focus on the significance of ‘endings’ and most importantly, the work that lies in the space between what was, and what will be. It’s in the middle, (he calls this the ‘neutral zone’) where real transformation happens.

Even though the external new beginning may happen very quickly… the internal re-identification and re-engagement always occur more slowly.

When the first black man was elected President of the United States at the end of 2007, we celebrated hard and for good reason. We partied, marched, wept, sang, wrote poetry and created art. We fiercely believed and hoped. Surely this was a ‘new beginning’? Undoubtedly, this was a long overdue leap for this country. Many black people thought that they would never live to see the day. This was progress. Things will be different now. Right?
But, at the end of 2015…

When Michelle Obama said “It’s just a beginning” instead of ‘It’s just the beginning,’ she is reminding us that the work is ongoing, and always ahead of us.

Voting in one election isn’t a magic wand, and neither is winning one. Let us remember the millions of people who voted for the status quo… We’ve got a lot of work to do to reach out to those folks and connect with them… The path to progress will always be uphill.

Here’s Bridges again:

Genuine beginnings depend on an inner realignment rather than on external shifts, for it is only when we are aligned with deep longings that we become powerful motivated.

In westernized culture, we remain more comfortable with bright lines, fixed timelines, and clear structure. We like strong signals that an ending is final, and that after a new beginning, there is no need to look back. Eastern philosophers are thankfully relentless in their efforts to soften these behaviors, encouraging us to embrace uncertainty and find comfort within chaos. We are slow learners, aren’t we? The pathway to new beginnings is paved with more than sheer perseverance. It’s paved with beginnings and first steps. Thank you Michelle, for your words of wisdom. You join company with so many wise women teachers who continue to inspire me every day. I’ll close this week’s ramble with the words of another, Buddhist monk, Pema Chödrön:

What does it take to use the life we already have in order to make us wiser rather than more stuck…The answer to these questions seems to have to do with bringing everything that we encounter to the path. Everything naturally has a ground, a path, and fruition. This is like saying that everything has a beginning, middle, and end. But it is also said that the path itself is both the ground and the fruition. The path is the goal.

We’re all in transition

I think I speak for all 7.8 billion people on the planet when I share that at least once a day I fantasize about midnight on December 31st, 2020. I am not sure if I believe in the concept of 'a reckoning', but it sure feels like that's what's happening. There's this feeling of absolute saturation as we continue to manage multiple life changing challenges, simultaneously. Enough already. 

AND... I wouldn't presume I speak for everyone on the planet when I share that I find myself constantly needing to make meaning out of 2020. If we are going to go through all this, can we please, please, make it matter. Is it possible to come out of this terrible time a little more... (complete this sentence with whatever is top of your list today)?   

2020 has upset a long-standing arrangement. Humanity is in major transition. Lockdown has pressed pause, and forced us to take a step, no, a leap, back from our normal way of doing things. The result is undoubtedly chaotic, but there's also an accompanying emptiness, a collective inhale, while we wonder, and wait to see how life is going to look on the 'other side'. This much I know, 2020 is one for the history books. For the next 50 years shelves will be full of books examining the way in which COVID 19 permanently changed how human beings live and work. The big question is, will we have learned anything? Will things be better on the 'other side' because of it? 

In a recent poll conducted by OnePoll, 55% of 2000 respondents looked back on their values pre-quarantine with some 'embarrassment', and 70% of those polled expressed that life post-lockdown will look very different as a result of what they've learned and experienced; more time with friends and family, better work/life balance etc. I did my own poll in mid-June asking people to summarize how they were feeling in just one word. While I received back plenty of 'lost', 'anxious', and 'overwhelmed', I was also interested to see the word 'grateful' repeatedly. In follow-up conversations, people expressed gratitude for things that in 2019 they took for granted; health, having food on the table, a home, employment etc. When digging a little deeper though, what surfaced was gratitude for the fact that COVID, as terrible as it is, has forced people into reevaluating well, pretty much everything. By pulling us away from all that is familiar, and locking us up with ourselves, COVID holds up a mirror, forcing deep reflection into well-established behaviors and ways of moving in the world. Would we ever have done this kind of soul searching without an external intervention the size of a global pandemic?

As a coach and consultant I have been heavily influenced by the work of William Bridges, whose book, 'Transitions, Making Sense of Life's Changes' published its 40th anniversary edition in December of 2019. I find this insight helpful:

'One of the difficulties of being in transition in the modern world is that we have lost our appreciation for the gaps in the continuity of existence. For us, emptiness represents only the absence of something. So when what's missing is as important as relatedness and purpose and reality, we try to find ways of replacing these missing elements as quickly as possible... we hope it can only be a temporary, if unfortunate situation to be endured.' 

Earlier this month, I launched a flexible 8-week coaching offering for individuals, teams or organizations, ‘Write your 2021 Story'.  Using Bridges 'Transitions' model, I am working with clients to make meaning out of 2020, to recognize what chapters are ending, to stay curious about the 'emptiness', and to possibly make choices that will lead to increased happiness and fulfillment. Based on everything you have learned so far in 2020, what do you want your life to look like in 2021? If this sounds like a potentially helpful mindset shift for you, please read more about this coaching offering by clicking on the link above, or simply contact me to schedule a time to talk.

Bridges goes on to say, "Divorces, deaths, job changes, moves... disengage us from the contexts in which we have known ourselves. They break up the old cue system that served to reinforce our behavior... As long as a system is working, it is very difficult for a member of it to imagine an alternative way of life and an alternate reality. But, with disengagement, an inexorable process of change begins."

I imagine Bridges, who passed away in 2013, would be busy right now penning the 41st anniversary edition to help us make sense of 2020. Add to cart and next day delivery please.